Character Matters: 5 Steps to Raise a Child with Discipline and Self-Control
Raising a Disciplined Child
Do you notice that you frequently have to remind your children to complete simple tasks like homework? Does it seem like you are constantly reminding your child to show self-control such as not irritating their brothers and sisters? The character traits of discipline and self-control are important to teach our children, because they teach us to complete tasks and chores we don’t enjoy in a timely manner and to control our impulses.
Children do not instinctively have self-control. My child that struggles with self-control and discipline the most also struggles in school. Helping our children learn how manage their impulses and be disciplined will help improve their learning in school and help them be successful as they become adults.
Children raised without self-control and discipline become adults without self-control and discipline. We see impact of adults without discipline and self-control in our society every day. As parents, we must teach our children discipline and self-control to reduce the problems in future generations.
5 Steps to Raise a Child with Discipline and Self-Control
Learning discipline and self-control is a process.
As noted above, children are not born with natural abilities toward self-control and discipline. As a child, I did not pick up my clothes and put things away. But as an adult, I always hang-up my clothes and put things away, because my parents me to be taught me the discipline to hang up my clothes and put things away as a child and teenager. But it was a long process. They probably did not recognize the benefits until I was grown and on my own (i.e. my clothes are hung in the closet today, not thrown across a chair like when I was in high school).
So, don’t give up if it feels like your children are not getting the lessons of discipline and self-control you are teaching. Sometimes, these lessons take many years to develop.
Teach discipline and self-control in everyday situations.
Learning to be a disciplined person can start with simple tasks like picking up toys and keeping your bedroom clean, and putting clothes away. All these simple tasks can teach children discipline for larger tasks. For school-aged children, completing school work and homework assignments on time and correctly is an important way to teach discipline.
A child that learns discipline and self-control in small tasks will be able to apply what they have learned to larger tasks and to being a disciplined adult.
Impulse control – think before you act
For those children with less discipline and self-control, they also seem to have difficulty with impulse control. They think, and they do without considering of the consequences of their actions. They jump in front of others in line at school without recognizing they should go to the end of the line; they swing their backpack or lunch box carelessly not realizing they will hit someone. They just don’t seem to be able to picture or recognize the end result of their actions.
To help these children, we have to help them understand their actions do have consequences. They must learn to think before they act. When they act inappropriately, stop them and ask them, did you think before you acted? What will happen next if you.. {fill-in child’s action}? Helping children visualize their actions and the results will reduce their impulsiveness.
As children become teenagers and adults, it’s very important that they recognize the consequences of their actions. It’s important to start helping children see the end results of their actions when they are younger.
Teach Your Child to Plan
Planning takes discipline; once the plan is done it takes self-control to complete the tasks in the plan. A disciplined person plans ahead. To help your child be a more disciplined person, teach them to be a planner and to plan ahead.
For example, teach your child to not wait until the last minute to complete their homework assignments. Longer assignments like book reports and science projects need to be divided into smaller tasks that will help your child complete the whole project without cramming.
Don’t assume that because the teacher broke the assignment into smaller tasks your child will recognize the teacher did this to help with planning. Give your child examples of planning and help them with planning their projects and tasks.
A disciplined and self-controlled child will use planning to their benefit so all their tasks do not become last minute and stressful experiences.
Be a Good Example
Children learn from their parents. It’s very important we provide them a good example to follow. If we want our children to have discipline and self-control, we must be the good example.
We all have areas of strengths and weakness in discipline and self-control. If we want our children to pick up their clothes, we have to pick up our clothes. If we want them to complete projects on time, we must complete our projects on time and place an emphasis on timeliness.
Don’t under estimate the influence of a parent for good or for bad. As you see good things in yourself, try to have your child duplicate those actions. If you see your child making the same mistakes you do, give your child an example of what they should do better (and how you will work on changing too).
Your turn…
How do you teach your child discipline and self-control? Do you have any examples of your child showing discipline or self-control?
