How to Let Go When You are Hurt
“Let it go, Let it go…” you can hear the words to the theme song from Frozen in your head. Take a second and sing along … Three small words, let it go. It should be easy. Yet, it’s so hard. I know, because I have a hard time letting go, too. I am writing about my own struggle letting go and hopefully it will help you.
A few days ago, my husband and I were talking about a situation that deeply frustrates me. I commented that I did not know what I should do. He looked at me and said, “This situation is a problem for you because you are not in control and you don’t like it when you are not in control.”
Don’t tell him I said this, but he was completely right. My lack of ability to control or even influence this situation frustrates me and sometimes even causes me hurt. I get hurt when people don’t understand my feelings about this matter or more importantly don’t even seem to care. This situation has to do with my kids and it’s important to me.
Letting Go is Hard
The issues that matter in life, that deeply matter in life, are always personal. Because these issues are personal, we usually have a deep investment of time and emotion in the situation. Once we have a deep personal attachment to a matter it’s very hard to let go.
For me, one of my children has a learning disability. When you have a child with a learning disability, you will invest hours and hours of time with therapists, with doctors and researching ideas to help your child. I love my child so it’s very personal and it’s easy to be hurt when you feel others don’t understand.
Hurts in life come in many different forms. Friends say things that hurt us. Our children do not behave in way that we want them to. Family members don’t understand us. Co-workers are rude to us. People in our lives treat us unkindly or unfairly.
Deep hurts build over many years and may even have different people involved over time. I have realized that hurts from one time or experience in life can grow and compound when we experience a similar hurt later in life.
Learning how to let go of our hurts in life is hard.
Lessons in Learning How to Let Go
Recognize People May Not Know the Hurt & Frustration They Cause You
Many times in our lives when we have been deeply hurt by others, we would be surprised to know they did not even know they hurt us. Maybe our friends and family did not even mean to hurt us, but somehow it happened. You feel deep pain and frustration and the other person does not even know the wrong they caused you.
Comments and actions of others who thought they were doing the right thing at the right time don’t always seem that way to us. In situations when you don’t believe the person when knows the hurt they have caused you, it may be better to forgive the matter than bring up a past offense especially if it was a long time ago.
Remember, just as we have been hurt by the inadvertent actions of others. We have also hurt others by our actions unbeknownst to us. Forgiveness is always best.
Letting Go Takes Determination
If you truly want to let go of your hurt, you must determine you will let it go. No matter the situation, no matter who wronged you. Letting go means you must determine to be free of your hurt.
You cannot half-heartedly let go of your hurt (because it will creep back). You cannot try to bury it and forget it, because even things we think are long forgotten will hurt you. You must determine to let go of your hurt even if others do not.
Letting Go Takes Time
Just as your pain has grown over time, you will probably not wake up tomorrow and say, “I’m not hurt anymore. That’s all behind me.” Forgiveness can be given today, but healing from hurts takes time.
Don’t expect yourself to instantly let go of hurt and pain you have had in your life for days, weeks or even years. The healing part will take time.
Allow yourself time to heal. Give the other person grace and forgiveness just as God as given you.
Colossians 3:13, “bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive.”
Prayer Brings a Heart of Peace
Spend time in prayer. Ask for peace. If your heart is troubled by this matter, ask God to give you peace.
Ask God to take this person or situation out of your life. If the situation cannot be removed, ask God to change the people involved or the situation.
Remember, the person God changes most will be you. He can change your heart. God can change your feelings. He can change the situation.
Ezekiel 36:26 promises, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” ESV
Benefits of Letting Go
When we keep our hurts and frustrations deep inside, we create stress for ourselves. If we hold our hurt too tightly, we cause physical problems like ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure and other stress-related conditions.
Letting go of your hurt will release you from the mental frustration and hurt you have, and also reduce physical symptoms you may be experiencing.
What hurt and pain are you struggling to let go of today? Do you carry a heavy burden, but long to let it go? Has someone hurt you with their words or their actions? You are not alone in your hurt. Start the process of letting go by recognizing many times others do not know their offenses to us. Give yourself time to heal. Letting go of hurts require time. Finally, pray and trust God to help you with your hurt. He can remove the hurt from your life.
Letting go is hard for me, too. It’s day by day and a work in progress. I’ll take it one day and one step at a time with you.
How do you handle hurt in your life? How have you been able to let go?